IUSD Site A Poses Zombie Risk from Toxic Chemicals

ZombiesAhead

According to an independent study of Irvine High School Site A, funded by Irvine Council member Larry Agran, if the new high school is built on site A near the Musick Jail the chemicals found in the soil have the ability to turn Irvine High School students into Zombies.

“The chemicals found on Site a pose a serious risk.” said Agran.  “Most high school kids in Irvine are zombies before lunch and are smart kids with good grades.  But placing a high school at site A would stop our kids from developing their minds and instead cause a hunger to eat brains.  Site B near the Great Park clearly doesn’t pose the same Zombie risk that Site A does.”

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In a phone interview with the LiberalOC after Agran’s announcement, IUSD Superintedent Terry Walker called Agran’s charges silly.

“I’ve spent a considerable amount of time at Site A and we’ve had a number of meals at the district from the produce grown near Site A.” said Walker.  “I can assure you there’s no Zombie risk to our stuuuudddeennntts aaaatttt allllllll  arrrrguuuuuugghhhhh mmmmmmmmm braaaaaaaiinnnnnnnnsssssssss.”

The interview was terminated to the sounds of screams at IUSD headquarters.