Chance for Pedroza to Make Real Money on Orange Juice

Dear Art.  Can I call you Art, Pendejo?

I’m writing to offer you cash for the rights to the OJ blog.

ojbanner

I know you hype your Sitemeter and Alexa numbers on a regular basis, and you only care about BBN when you’re ranked 1 or 2, but I’ve done some actual research on your site and the numbers you provide your readers and I want you to know that I’m prepared to make you a realistic offer to acquire the Orange Juice blog.

I’m offering $86.

In cash.

Let me tell you how I arrived at this very fair offer. 

The forms you filed while running for office last fall demonstrates the value of the OJ blog which you yourself place between $2,000 and $10,000. Better still, it shows you have only generated about $500 in ad revenue from the blog (over a five year period) and since you’re currently offering ads for free, for advertisers, you get what you pay for.  As far as hits to your site go, I’m frankly only interested in your monthly unique visitors which are available through a neat site called www.quantcast.com.  The folks at Quantcast show your monthly unique visitors to be in the hundreds, not the thousands as you claim.  Here’s the link.

Art, let’s be honest. (Try for me, I know you can try honesty).  You have a problem with numbers.

Your LinkedIn profile reveals a startling and unreported business success story that even the Register has missed.  Since opening Art Pedroza and Associates last November, you claim to have more than 200 employees in your Organization.  Somebody call the Register’s business desk and the OCBJ for a profile, stat!  And with business that good, you should be able to move into the mayor’s neighborhood.

The fact is Art, your business doesn’t have 200 employees, your site may get thousands of hits a day from a few hundred unique visitors a month (what do you do, sit and click the refresh button over and over?) but the facts show it’s a blog well read by a very small number of people.  Your company is likely, just you.

Seriously, you must have been a bully in elementary school or something.  You can’t legitimately criticize anyone on their ideas alone without making fun of someone’s physical appearance, age or name.  You rush every rumor into print.  It just lowers the bar on political discussions.  There’s little positive to say about your site.  So by buying the OJ blog from you, I feel as though I’m doing a public service by taking a bad product off the market.  I’ll move a couple of your bloggers over to our site, and, if you ask me nicely, allow you to guest blog a post that would be thoroughly fact checked.  You wouldn’t be allowed to use any parajitos as sources without naming them.  And you would have to refer to Matt Cunningham as Matt Cunningham, not Jubal or Jerbal.  I seldom agree with Matt on all things political, but I call him Matt.   And he refers to us by our names as well.

Art, you’re desperately seeking respect.  I’m offering you a chance at respect.  So you can make some money to take your wife out for a nice dinner to pay her back for all that money she loaned you while you ran for office and hold your head up high.  Or don’t sell OJ to me, and keep looking over your shoulders for the Usual Suspects as you type away at another personal attack against someone who doesn’t agree with you.  The offer is more than generous.  And it’s more than fair. Which is more than I can say for you.

What do you say?

  13 comments for “Chance for Pedroza to Make Real Money on Orange Juice

  1. Jubal
    April 1, 2009 at 6:38 am

    A fair offer, Dan, but I will counter with an even fairer $80. Art used to be a Republican, so it makes for sense to sell OJ to me.

  2. April 1, 2009 at 8:18 am

    Well Matt, I have to counter; Since 72 inchdes is six feet, I’ll counter your bid with a six feet under bid and lower the bar to $72.

  3. Pedrozabot
    April 1, 2009 at 9:40 am

    My mijo tells me that his parajitos have informed him that as the most read blog on his street and the financial support of me, he will make at least $100 from him blog.

    http://twitter.com/Pedrozabot

  4. Libel Lawyer
    April 1, 2009 at 9:49 am

    I’ll pay Pedroza $1000 to keep blogging. His libelous nature is like a fly that keeps buzzing next to someone’s head. Sure its annoying but not worth the effort of swatting. But one of these days, someone will want to swat that fly and when they do, I’ll be ready.

  5. Jubal
    April 1, 2009 at 1:04 pm

    Dan, I will not be outbid: $60

  6. April 1, 2009 at 2:00 pm

    $50 bucks plus some coupons from Quiznos. I mean the value of those several dozen readers who make multiple clicks is just astounding.

  7. Paul
    April 1, 2009 at 2:35 pm

    What brought this on?

    • April 1, 2009 at 5:22 pm

      Look at the calendar today and tell me Captain Obvious.

  8. April 1, 2009 at 5:51 pm

    Gosh Dan, how very generous of you! I might be interested were you to add a few zeroes to that figure.

    BTW, right now the Orange Juice is at 901 visits today, while you are at 490. Those numbers are as per Sitemeter.

    As for our unique hits, you had but to ask. 761 of our visits today, as per Google Analytics, have been unique visitors. Overall, over 60% of our visitors are new, and the rest are returning.

    And today we added a new blogger – Zander Collier, the Southern Vice Chair for the California Libertarian Party.

    Have a Happy April Fools Day Dan. I know that this holiday is one that has been celebrated mightily in your family for many, many years.

  9. Paul
    April 1, 2009 at 7:06 pm

    dan
    Are you telling me this was an April Fools gag? To be honest, for a gag, its pretty mean spirited. I asked what brough this on because I havent seen you and Art bickering with eachother for a while.

  10. Pedrozabot
    April 1, 2009 at 9:48 pm

    mijo and sean mills and tony bushala and red vixen and paul all clicking refresh a dozen times an hour account for 90 % of those 901 alleged hits over at the orange joke blob. and by the way mijo lies about the number of employees being 200+ when it’s really just him shows just how bad at math mijo is. Follow mijo at twitter/pedrozabot

  11. April 2, 2009 at 9:39 am

    Paul — you’re going to lecture me about being mean-spirited to Art? Plu-ease.

    Art, I’ll add some zeros after a decimal point if it would help you. And yes, I love April Fool’s Day. I just don’t live it the other 364 days a year that you do.

  12. Jubal
    April 2, 2009 at 11:16 am

    Unless the bidding has closed, I’ll tender an offer of $25 in cash and a free, one-year Orange Juice blogad — for a total bid of $26.

Comments are closed.