Just Another Turkey

Just another turkeyPresident Bush spared another turkey today from becoming a chew toy for fellow federal felon’s. Instead, this jail bird has been sent to a ranch in south Texas. The Armstrong Ranch, owned by a Cheney friend is located near Kingsville, about 30 miles southwest of Corpus Christi.

The ranch may be familiar to some as it is the same ranch where he accidentally shot his friend Harry Whittington while hunting quail in February 2006. Scooter will be able to play freely with quail, pheasants, and other wild foul while he serves out his probation. Cheney has suggested that his former chief of staff wear an ankle tag so that he can be found should he get lost.

In a brief ceremony Monday, Bush peered into Scooter’s eyes, stroked its white fluffy feathers, patted its red head and said, “you did a fine job Scooter.”

The turkey ceremony was held in Kennebunkport, Maine where the President is vacationing. Vice President Dick Cheney looked on as Bush talked of how thankful he is for the sacrifices that Scooter has made in his years of public service and his stonewalling of the investigation into the compromising of CIA Agents serving at home and abroad searching for nucular weapons in Iran.

“We think of our CIA families who will have an empty seat at the table every night, as we honor the service to my administration that Scooter has given.” he said.

People for the Ethical Treatment of Disgraced Bush Officials (PETDBO), which in the past has been critical because other administration turkeys have been sent to jail rather than the Cayman Islands, praised the decision to send Scooter to the ranch.

“I don’t suppose Scooter could have asked for better than a wild game farm,” said Judith Miller of PETDBO. “He’ll have mental and physical stimulation as well as proper care and a nice climate. Scooter will be able to refine his skills as a novelist writing about children, bears and stuff. Turkeys like Scooter require additional care if they’re going to be kept alive long after years of dedicated service,” Miller said.

Following the ceremony, several reporters saw Karl Rove gathering turkey feathers and stuffing them in his back pocket. When asked to comment, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow said, “While I cannot comment on an ongoing investigation I asked Karl what he was doing and he assured me that he was not preparing for the next round of pardons.”